Hair loss

I cut all of my hair off because Dr. L told me I may lose it.Its taken a couple weeks. But my hair is finally falling out. Ive thought a lot about it. Its not about vanity. It goes deeper then that. fear, confusion, shock. Its a mental battle. If you look sick and feel vulnerable then you will feel sick and vulnerable. I don't feel sick. But I am. I want to look powerful, strong, and feel like myself.

10/9/2010 - Blood work!

WBC:0.1
RBC: 3.79
Hemoglobin: 9.6
hematocrit 28.2
MCV: 74.4
MCH: 25.3
MCHC: 34.0
RBC Dist Width: 15.0
Platelet count: 59

ca-ca-ca cancer update!!

So far so good. Everything is on track. My white count has been up and down. Its finally bottomed out like its suppose to! Yay! So its only up from here! I've had a couple rough mornings. But as the day goes on I start feeling like myself! I did the 5 days of fludarabine and got to go home. I think that's where I left off last. Since then I moved back into the hospital. I did 5 days of campath. I tolerated that pretty well. Nothing unusual happened until a couple days in. I had hives all over my face and back and my throat was swelling up. But nothing that some benedryl and some steroids can't fix! Oct 2nd I had a half hr of melphalan. THE WORST! I had to suck on ice for 30mins prior and 6 hrs after. That didn't work out too well. Everything sweet tasted sour, water tasted sweet. I puked up my breakfast and about 5 popsicles. It was awful! I've had some rough days, but that's expected. I walked into all of this with a clear head thinking, "I'm perfect, nothings gonna happen". Wrong. So long being positive. This experience really takes you for a ride. The past couple morning I've been waking up at about 5:30am throwing up my my whole GI system. (or that's at least what I feel like).Transplant went well. I had this tickle in my throat the entire time. They gave me 10 bags for cells from my sister. She produced so many they gave me two transplants. I'm jammed with stem cells. Holla. So, my plan is to try and go at this drugfree! lol No more ativan- I feel like that may be my new addiction to put me to sleep. And I wake up feeling terrible. Tonight's my new night! My sister brought me some yummie pasta salad and a wrap and some ginger tea. So here's to my health! Cheers! Have a great weekend everyone!

CHEMO

My experience with chemo hasn't been too bad.So far so good! I did 5 days of fludarabine . And haven't had any side effects. Due to good behavior, I got to go home for a week of rest! I have to go for blood work on Thursday (9/23). Moving back into the hospital on Monday and having a bone marrow biopsy as well (9/27). And starting the more intense chemo. Hopefully I tolerate that stuff pretty well too! Looking forward to this all being over!

Pre-transplant testing. R.I.P NICK!!!

Everything is looking good! I don't have HIV and I'm not pregnant. SO the transplant is a GO! I had a bunch of test last week. EKG,lots of blood, cat scan. I guess the word on the street is that Wednesday I will be getting my Hickman line. And after that I will officially be an inpatient...again. I live my life in lists. I started making my list of things I'll need. I spent way too much money on yoga pants, tank tops, and socks and bunch of comfy stuff. I feel like I'm going to need a lot of clothes for 6 weeks. Gotta look hot for that chemo, ya know.
I learned how to inject my sister with neupogen. And on Monday she will be donating her stem cells for me. While shes doing that, I will be getting a PFT- pulmonary function test and a MUGA test.

Today is a very sad day! My neighbor friend, Nick Blakeslee passed away last night. He has been battling cancer as well. I'm going to miss him so much. He was a great guy and was always positive about his treatment. I gotta keep his spirit alive and fight this for the both of us! *yoink yoink*

No, really....I'm too young for this.

Too much going on in my mind. Not physically doing anything. Up all night, sleep all day. My life was always going going going - working non-stop, and it has all stopped. My head feels like its going to blow up. Since the time I was diagnosed, I had very little time off from work. I never gave myself a chance to really think about any of what I was going through. I was all work. Its really sad to say but it has taken about 3 years for me to realized that I have cancer. It has really sunk in. And I'm ready to get rid of it! I have my official "transplant talk" with my oncologist Sept 2nd. Stoked! I can't wait to get this over with. I'm also applying for disability... cooool...NOT....Oh, and I'm getting a effing BONE MARROW TRANSPLANT.

Planet Cancer dot org

Is the best site I have ever discovered. I should have done this three years ago. I posted a thread on the BMT survivors group and I'm so amazed by the feedback. Not only did these people go a mile to tell me how they felt, what to do/what not to do. But they sent personal msgs telling me to keep them updated - - - I'm just AMAZED that strangers care. Its hard enough to get my own friends to listen. Oh, and only 15 people on the entire site have CML. We are like rare colored diamonds.


Oh hey - remember when I was looking for donations for the Leukemia research foundation? .... guess what?
Team "Lauren's Laughter" was ranked #1! HOLLERRRR - We won a netbook , and two round trip tix to anywhere in the US! And Amy was invited to an award ceremony - I hope she asks me to be her date.


That is all for now. Posi Thoughts.

Novartis patient assistance program = FREE DRUGS!

Very exciting stuff!!!